It’s October, and Halloween is just around the corner. You’ve probably been thinking a lot about what costume you’re gonna wear, what Halloween candy you’re gonna get for the local kids and what hilarious face you can carve in your pumpkin this year but I can almost guarantee there’s one thing you haven’t been thinking about – tricks.
Unless this happened to your house last Halloween – then you’ve probably been planning revenge all year…
Tricks are the overlooked part of the trick or treat equation, with most adults choosing to give away treats without so much as a ‘boo’. This is usually because they just wanna get those dang kids off their lawn but heck, tricks are the best part of Halloween!
I’m actually something of a Halloween trick veteran; despite my usually cheery demeanour in this blog, there’s nothing that riles me up more than some kids in lame costumes constantly interrupting my annual cult movie horror marathon. So, straight from the streets of Little Rock, Arkansas, here are five tricks that never fail to scare trick or treaters!
Oh, and remember, the point of these tricks is to have fun! Don’t try these on really little kids too, unless you want some seriously annoyed parents!
The Crazy Guy’s House
When I was younger, I always used to imagine what it would be like to trick or treat around the streets of Hollywood – what treats would Arnie give me (probably Lenny and Larry’s Muscle Brownies)? What would Steven Seagal be dressed as (probably Chuck Norris)? What would Nicolas Cage do on All Hallow’s Eve?
It’s the final question that inspired this prank – the crazy guy’s house. The prank is simple; kids knock on your door, you answer it and act as if you’re completely insane. Respond to the trick or treat question with a completely different answer, laugh repeatedly and run around your house howling like a banshee. If that doesn’t scare off the kids, nothing will!
By the way, this prank requires a lot of acting chops so I’d like to refer you to this video retrospective of Nicolas Cage’s craziest moments for inspiration (warning: contains swearing!)
Microwaved Vegetables Treat
Sometimes, the simplest pranks are the best. This prank involves taking all the candy you were planning to give out to kids and replacing it with microwaved vegetables. If acting crazy doesn’t scare kids, the thought of not getting candy AND getting stinky (trust me, microwaved veg will stink out your house for days – I’d recommend wearing a mask or something) vegetables will send them running for the hills!
This trick takes a lot of dedication, but it’s well worth it. Set up some boxes outside your front door (the more inconspicuous, the better) and get inside them, dressed as a zombie. Then, wait for some trick or treaters to rock up and knock on your front door. Leave it a couple of seconds and then burst out with a scream and laugh as they run away terrified!
(Note: cut some holes in the side of the box to check who is knocking on the door. I once burst out on my Aunt Norma and she had to go to hospital for shock. I didn’t get any candy that year…)
Dress up as Santa Claus, put up Christmas decorations
An extension of the crazy guy trick, this trick is simple; dress up as Santa Claus, put up some Christmas decorations and confuse the heck out of anyone coming round for treats. If you’re really dedicated, give out mince pies for treats and set your phone’s calendar for the 25th December. You get extra trick points if you can actually convince the trick or treaters it’s Christmas and they’ve just slipped out of time and space (although most trick or treaters don’t really understand time/space mechanics, so, erm…maybe not).
(Pretend to) Eat All The Candy Beforehand
Another simple trick: answer your front door with chocolate smeared around your face and a bowl full of empty Mike and Ike Mummy Mix, candy corn and candy bar wrappers – then reveal an extra stash to keep the kids happy. The second part of the trick only works if you don’t actually eat the candy, a lesson I probably should have learnt by now.