Holy moly, it’s October already and that means only one thing; it’s nearly Halloween! Houses are slowly transforming into creepy crypts and macabre mausoleums (brushing up on your spooky lingo, Alan? – AS), my movie quality Robocop outfit is almost complete and best of all, everyone is stocking up on tons of delicious candy for me to eat (stock up on your Reese’s Pieces, Ashton residents)…
That’s how it’d be in the States, at least. This is my first Halloween over in Britain and well…it’s weird! You guys don’t even seem to have started preparing yet! I mean, I thought I saw someone who’d transformed their house into a zombie lair but it turned out to be an old people’s home. What gives guys?! It’s freaking Halloween in three weeks!
Well, I’ve been doing a bit of research and it turns out you guys don’t take Halloween nearly as seriously as us Americans. Which is weird, because the Brits invented Halloween but like most things, the US took something mildly awesome and made it bigger, better and more awesomer. Pumpkins? They were our idea. You’re welcome, Britain.
We love Halloween in the States. By this time last year, most houses on my street were covered in spiderwebs and other creepy decorations, although it was obviously the Stone residence that did Halloween the best. That doesn’t stop other people trying to steal my decorating crown, with 85% of Americans decorating their home for Halloween…although 100% of them will never top my Halloween decorating skills.
Gravestones? Skeletons? Witches? Good try, guys, but that’s nothing on my personal Halloween masterpiece, a full recreation of the spaceship from Alien that only took me a year to plan and put together. The local kids may not have got the reference, but they sure seemed terrified by a 238lb man charging towards them dressed in a skin tight Xenomorph costume. Yeah…my trick and treats usually resulted in a trick so I could keep the treats…
Ah, the treats. All $2billion of them. I like to mix candy apples, Jolly Ranchers, Hershey’s Kisses…oh, and some grapes for the little dweebs who laughed at me for walking down the street dressed as a Jedi in September. I was practising for Halloween, jeez!
We spend a heck of a lot of money on candy, but I think where America really stands out is making delicious treats that look like blood, guts and other disgusting stuff. Twinkies made to like severed fingers, anyone? How about a cake that looks like a Zombie’s face?
My favourite part of Halloween in America was definitely the costumes. I haven’t seen what kinda stuff you guys dress up as for the big day (maybe share some pictures with me?) but in the States, the longer it took you to create a costume, the better. We don’t settle for those lame plastic masks you see in Wal-Mart (well, some of us do but forget about them) – we accept only the best!
I’ve had some pretty awesome costumes over the years, most of which I made myself. I’ve been Spock, Chewbacca, Predator and most of the Justice League (all in one night, lots of costume changes. Wonder Woman didn’t go down well…). As you can probably tell, I like dressing up as my favourite pop culture icons, but there’s some seriously awesome more traditional horror costumes stateside too.
So why am I telling you all this? Well, I think it’s time you Brits caught up with us guys over the pond when it comes to celebrating the best holiday of the year (until my birthday becomes a national holiday). So this Halloween, turn your home into a house of horrors and make your own decorations. Go all out with your costume and don’t just buy it from the store. And most importantly, stock up on tons of American candy just in case I decide to knock on your door…