You guys already know that I freaking love Halloween and by the time y’all read this, I’ll be halfway into my homemade ‘Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze’ costume (seriously this thing takes like four hours to get into) and telling folks it’s ‘ice to see them’…and demanding that they hand over the American candy I told them to buy a few posts back (you remembered, right?).
However, while I’m all excited to go and plunder the streets of Ashton for Oreos and Twinkies, apparently trick or treating when you’re a grown man (or woman!) ain’t so big over here and a whole lot of you are gonna spend your Halloween indoors…some of you probably aren’t even gonna dress up!
Now I’ll be honest, I haven’t got much experience with staying in on Halloween but the one time I did (‘cos of an…ahem…unfortunate costume malfunction), I spent the night watching my favourite horror movies. It was actually pretty sweet, though I missed the candy from trick or treating a LOT!
Anyway, I think you guys probably know me well enough now to know that my favourite horror movies should probably be your favourite horror movies too…y’know, ‘cos I’ve got great taste and all. But what exactly are Alan Stone’s favourite horror movies? I’m glad you asked…
Let’s start with a classic, shall we? The Shining, starring crazy Jack Nicholson as a crazy guy who goes even crazier ‘cos he’s locked up in some hotel with his wife and kids…kinda like the time my Pop got snowed in with me and Ma back at our house in Little Rock.
Oh yeah, there’s also freaking ghosts in this hotel too – probably should have mentioned that first. The Shining’s so classic that most people know most of the scary scenes even if they haven’t seen it; y’know, the creepy twins, REDRUM and of course, some throwaway line about a guy called Johnny.
Duhhh, the movie’s called ‘Halloween’ and it’s, like, Halloween! Of course, it’s not just the title which makes this a perfect Halloween horror; ‘Halloween’ is the original ‘slasher flick’ and the movie that introduced us to Michael Myers, who used to be scary but mainly stars in movies that suck nowadays. No, not that Michael Myers (though his latest movies are scarily bad) – I’m talking about that terrifying dude with the creepy white face and a big ol’ knife.
Anyway, you guys probably know the drill with this one; psycho murderer escapes from institution, stalks teenagers and kills a few of them. ‘Halloween’s actually got surprisingly little gore compared to later ‘slasher’ movies which look like an explosion in the Big Red factory but it doesn’t need it – it’s the tension of waiting to see where crazy Mike’s going to pop up next which makes this really scary.
No Halloween would be complete without zombies, and there’s plenty of our flesh-eating friends in this 2007 Spanish ‘found footage’ zombie flick. That’s right – Spanish. But trust me, it ain’t the subtitles that are the scary part of this movie; it’s the bloodthirsty zombies running around what has to be the smallest apartment building I’ve ever seen.
To be honest, there’s like 500,000 zombie movies out there to choose from and most of ‘em are pretty awesome so you don’t have to go with my suggestion on this one. But I reckon the sheer horror of seeing zombies right up in your face (man, they really are ugly) and not understanding what the heck is anyone is saying make this the pick of the recent bunch.
I was thinking about not including any aliens on this list ‘cos they ain’t exactly traditional Halloween fodder, but John Carpenter’s ‘The Thing’ (not the 2011 remake/prequel/whatever it is) is so darn terrifying that I’d be a fool not to include it on my list of awesome horror movies.
‘The thing’ is basically an alien that can take on any form, and it’s decided to take up residence with some scientists in Antarctica. You can probably guess what happens next. Anyway, this movie is guaranteed to leave you looking whiter than a giant Hershey’s Cookies n’ Creme bar – and maybe even with some trust issues too.
Evil Dead 2
Of course, all these terrifying horror movies kinda overlook the fact that Halloween is supposed to fun, which is why I’ve decided to round off my list with what is possibly the funniest horror movie ever – Evil Dead 2.
It’s hard to describe Evil Dead 2 in words. Imagine your favourite serious zombie movie, add a guy with a chainsaw for a hand cracking one-liners and a heck of a lot of blood and you’re probably close – but not really. It really has to be seen to be believed; it’s seriously corny but I guess that’s the point. You’ll laugh, you’ll cringe and heck, you’ll probably feel a little queasy too…just like you would if you went trick or treating!
So there you have it guys, five great movies to watch this Halloween. I reckon they’re the best, but what do you think? Any Halloween favourites I’ve missed off? What are you gonna be watching? Let me know on Twitter @AStoneHCO, on Facebook (I’ve got my own profile!) or in the comments.
I’ll catch you again on Friday when I’ll be reviewing some movie about a British guy who likes cars, suits and women – I didn’t know Hugh Grant had a new movie out. ‘Til next time Stoneites!