British Stereotypes From TV and Movies That I Used To Believe Were True

British people. All butlers, right?

A lot of people are real surprised at how little I knew about y’all here in Britain before I moved over here from Arkansas. I don’t know why but people can’t seem to believe that I didn’t know much about a country that we Americans apparently have a special relationship with.

Well, it’s true – I knew next nothing about the UK before I got here. But then heck, I don’t know much about New York either apart from it gets attacked by huge freakin’ monsters all the time and there’s a lot of natural disasters (seriously folks, go to Little Rock instead).

Y’see, when you’re a kid growing up in Arkansas with an unhealthy (not my words) obsession with 80s action movies, a comic book collection that would make those losers from The Big Bang Theory weep and a diet that mainly consists of Cheetos and Dr. Pepper, you ain’t that interested in the world beyond big ol’ explosions and wondering who Batman’s gonna beat up next.

I didn’t have a whole lot of time to learn about the UK so most of what I knew came from TV and movies that happened to have British people in them. Today, I thought I’d share with y’all some of the stereotypes I learnt thanks to pop culture.

All British People Are Evil

I don’t know what it is about the British accent, but man, it is pure evil. Whenever a guy turns up in a movie with a British accent, y’all know he’s gonna be up to no good. Take Alan Rickman – Hans Gruber, The Sheriff of Nottingham, that dude who looks like Trent Reznor from Harry Potter…he’s like the most evil dude ever! And all the evil Disney characters who’ve got British accents? That ain’t no coincidence. So yeah, I thought y’all were evil. I’ve kinda realised now that only, like, 60% of you are.

You All Want To Be Butlers For Americans

I’ve gotta be honest, I used to think British people only had three jobs; y’all were either charming bookshop owners stealing our women, evil masterminds trying to ruin America or butlers. My favourite butler is Alfred from Batman, mainly ‘cos he’s a wise old man who can kick a lot of butt too. I was kinda hoping I’d get my own Alfred when I moved over here but heck, turns out I’m still waiting…

British People Are Super Critical And Real Mean

I’ve only talked about fictional people so far and that’s mainly ‘cos we don’t actually have that many ‘real’ Brits on American TV…well, until Simon Cowell came along with his put downs and stupid haircut. Then Gordon Ramsey appeared, swearing more times in five minutes than I did the first day I landed in Britain and thought I wouldn’t be able to buy Lucky Charms anymore.

Basically, the only real Brits we get to see on TV are usually real critical and real mean. I know this is all like part of an act but seriously, it don’t look good on you folks. Still, TV would be a lot less entertaining without ‘em…apart from Piers Morgan. What the heck is that guy about?

Scotland Is Freakin’ Insane

Now I still ain’t been up to Scotland so I don’t know if this is actually true or not (maybe some Scottish AS fans could tell me?) but American TV is like the worst ad for Scottish tourism ever. I’ve already mentioned Gordon Ramsey (who is Scottish but has an English accent?!) and his potty-mouth but there’s also Groundskeeper Willie from The Simpsons, Crazy Mel Gibson as Crazy William Wallace and his band of scary Scots and Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. What do they all have in common? They’re all insane! Oh, and I can’t understand a freakin’ word they’re saying either.

Britain Had One Accent

English, Welsh and Scottish people aren’t known by their different nationalities on American TV – y’all are just British. You’ve only got one accent too – that kind of real posh accent Hugh Grant has. That show Downton Abbey? That like represents the WHOLE of Britain to a lot of Americans!

The weird thing is, I don’t think I’ve heard anyone speak like that since I got over here. I live in Manchester so I’m kinda used to hearing that but Scousers? Welsh people? The Yorkshire accent? Man, there’s too much to take in! Can’t y’all just speak like Hugh Grant?

Anyway, y’all be pleased to hear that I’ve totally learnt the error of my ways now – sorta. I guess I’ve still got a lot to learn and I’m relying on you folks to help me. Tweet me @AStoneHCO, add me on Facebook or leave a comment!

(P.S: I’d love to hear what you think of us Americans too!)